From Doing to Being: Learning to Embrace Stillness

The Overachievement Trap: When Doing Becomes an Identity

It’s easy to define ourselves by our accomplishments—degrees, promotions, business milestones, athletic achievements. But do we define ourselves the same way by our setbacks, disappointments, or failures? I would hope not.

So why do we let success dictate our identity?

Social media has amplified this mindset. We’re constantly exposed to curated highlight reels—colleagues landing dream jobs, peers reaching major life milestones, entrepreneurs announcing six-figure businesses. It creates an unspoken pressure to keep up—to always be achieving, or worse, to feel like we’re falling behind.

For me, I used to feel like I needed some kind of validation before sharing my thoughts and opinions. I questioned whether I had the “right” to speak on certain topics, and imposter syndrome crept in more often than I’d like to admit (honestly, it still does sometimes). Social media can make this worse—when you only see people presenting themselves as experts, it’s easy to feel like you’re not enough unless you, too, have some major win to showcase.

The problem? These platforms rarely showcase the in-between moments—the uncertainty, the failures, the quiet pauses where real growth happens. Instead, we see instant success stories with little visibility into the struggles that led there. This fuels the belief that constant progress equals worth, making it harder to appreciate stillness.

But what if we challenged this narrative? What if we stopped treating achievement as the sole measure of success and allowed ourselves to just be?

The Downside of Always Pushing for More

At first glance, ambition seems like a good thing—it drives us to grow, evolve, and accomplish meaningful goals. But when the pursuit of success becomes relentless, it can come at a cost.

For a long time, I measured my progress by the next big milestone. I finished my master’s and immediately planned to start my PhD. When that didn’t happen, I felt lost—like I had failed. It wasn’t just about the PhD itself; it was about what it represented. It was the next step, the next achievement, the next thing that would make me feel like I was moving forward. Without it, I felt like I was standing still, and standing still felt uncomfortable.

That’s the danger of tying self-worth to external accomplishments—you start to believe that if you’re not achieving, you’re not enough. And when things don’t go according to plan, instead of seeing it as a redirection, you see it as a failure.

This mindset can also lead to:

• Burnout: When you’re always pushing for the next goal without taking time to recharge, exhaustion becomes inevitable.

• Dissatisfaction: Achievements provide temporary highs, but the feeling fades quickly if you don’t allow yourself to appreciate the moment before moving on to the next thing.

• Fear of Pausing: If your identity is built around constant achievement, slowing down feels risky—as if stopping for a moment might mean stopping forever.

  
  

  That last part really hit me. I feared that if I paused, I’d lose momentum. But in reality, stepping back gave me the space to reflect. I realized that not achieving something immediately didn’t mean I was failing—it meant I was being given time to reassess, to breathe, to appreciate where I was.

The truth is, pushing for more isn’t always a bad thing. But if we don’t balance ambition with presence, we risk missing out on the life we’re working so hard to build.

The Power of the Pause: Learning to Be Present

At first, pausing felt uncomfortable—almost like I was doing something wrong. I worried that if I stopped chasing the next big thing, I’d lose momentum or fall behind. But over time, I realized that the pause wasn’t just about resting—it was about creating space.

This space allowed for deeper reflection, helping me appreciate how far I had come instead of constantly fixating on what was next. But more importantly, it opened the door to new opportunities and exploration. It gave me the chance to reconnect with things I once loved—like writing and blogging—and who knows what else will come from this shift?

We often think of pausing as stagnation, but what if it’s actually expansion? What if, instead of fearing stillness, we saw it as the space where growth, creativity, and clarity thrive?

Redefining Success on Our Own Terms

If I’ve learned anything from this experience, it’s that success isn’t just about doing more—it’s about knowing when to pause, reflect, and appreciate where you are. We live in a world that glorifies the hustle, but maybe fulfilment isn’t found in always moving forward. Maybe it’s found in allowing ourselves to exist beyond our achievements.

So, here’s my reminder (to myself and anyone else who needs it): You are not your productivity. You are not your milestones. You are not just the sum of your achievements.

Don’t get me wrong—I still believe in ambition, being driven, setting goals, and striving for more. But I just don’t think we should be defined by these achievements or tie our worth to them.

At the end of the day, we are human beings, not human doings. And sometimes, the most valuable thing you can do is simply be.